I don’t know

I don’t know, I’ll never know 10/23/20

“Today is going to be a good day”
That is what my mom wants me to say everyday when I wake up. Apparently it makes that day good because the power of words will do something about the day.
But I don’t know if words actually have power, the bad things that happen when I say bad things could just be a coincidence, same as the good.
I don’t know if I’ll ever know.

I don’t know if my healty relationship will become toxic and drive one of us to kill ourselves. I say that I won’t kill myself but that’s for right now. I can’t make promises for the future.

I don’t know if they’re lying when they say that they won’t leave. Or maybe the only reason they leave is if they die, maybe that’s the only way we separate. Maybe we will be normal and always have eachother.

Maybe I’ll be that lucky fucker that doesn’t get effected by stuff they smoke or maybe I’ll ruin my life with it.It’s not like there’s something that shows me how my insides are doing. I don’t know if my lungs are black or if I have a soul or not. Or if anyone has a soul.

I don’t know how much things effect me, for the better or for worse. I dont know if I’ll be able to say “for better or worse” at my wedding, if I have one.

I don’t know anything, but I’ll find out.