The beauty of tears :,)

I’m sure you’ve seen your face while crying.
But have you ever seen yourself after you cry? I mean really see yourself after the moment?

Not just noticing that your eyes are puffy and red, not just trying everything you can to get back to looking normal so that dad won’t be upset.
Or so that people won’t see what you see as weak.
Maybe you’re embarrassed.
Maybe you don’t cry.
Or maybe you don’t hide a single tear.

Do you think you’re an ugly crier?
Does your face contort from how much physical and emotional pain you’re in?

When you cry, who do you blame?
The person that made you cry?
Blame their actions?
Their thoughts?
Is what they said too harsh for you? Did it remind you too much of what your parent said?
Do you blame the person?
Do you blame yourself? Perhaps for letting the person hurt you, maybe you promised yourself that you’d stay “strong”.
Or maybe you just can’t describe your reason. But it’s enough for you.

But back to what I was trying to say…
Do you notice how beautiful you look after you’re done crying?
The innocent look in your eyes.. the slight embarrassment surrounding your presence.
The pure look in your eyes.
The puffiness surrounding them, your red nose.
The vulnerability that comes with crying is beautiful.

My eye color changes when I’m crying.
They are beautiful.

I’ve struggled with showing people my tears.
Only a few months ago did two of my closet friends, for years now, see me cry. For their first time ever.
I was on the ground, sobbing. Begging for death from anyone who could hear me.
I was embarrassed that they finally saw me at what I thought was my weakest.

One of my friends, best friends, let’s themselves cry. He has cried into my arms many times. Yes, “he”.
I honestly find it incredible that he has little to no shame crying.
He gets hurt, he cries, he’s all better.
He does not store it in to the point of where it must release.

It’s.. precious to see people cry.
Their emotions pouring out. Releasing for you to finally know that it’s there.

Seeing one of your parents cry though…
It can leave you speechless.
It’s one of the most painful things to watch.

I’ve cried so hard to the point where I wasn’t sure if I’d ever stop.
Where my tears made me shake so hard, so much, and for so long, that I was incapable of hurting myself.
My hands would not stop moving, nor any part of my body, my thoughts wouldn’t shut up.
But I’ve been successful.
Yet I’m still here.

Your tears are valid and incredible.