If I was a shadow

If I was a shadow I would be able to disappear from time to time.
And each memory of yours would never include me, because I’m literally just a shadow.
But I would remember every memory that I was included in because I’m not in every memory, I’m not always here.

Everything has a shadow, whether you realize it or not. It’s true.
As a shadow, I’m nothing. Not a being, I am nothing you can grab or touch. But if I wished, you could feel me. I would let you feel the sadness and coldness that I bring along. Completely engulfing you.

Those times when you hid in the dark, you were not alone. You were with me.
Watching your father’s shadow grow bigger and bigger, and waiting for him to stand as tall as the doorframe with that look in his eyes that you know too well.
If you joined me I could hide you.
Every time I came you were able to leave. Lending you time, when I did that, those were favors. I did you favors, you’ll repay me one day.

On the bike ride with your boyfriend, on the roads you’ve never seen, I was there.
Enclosing over the light, forcing you two to turn your own lights on, remember?
You also remember looking to the side while riding your soon to break bike, looking to the woods.
You were looking at me, we were racing. And I was winning.
I grew bigger because of the light, your light. I was the shape of you, because of you.

When you went on that roof, I surrounded you. Pushing the light away, I was no longer just your shadow but the universe’s shadow. Enclosing in over you.

One of the only things I’m not able to reach is your bloodstream, not until it’s pouring out of you. Once it’s out, it is no longer yours. It’s whoever wishes to have it, but I own it.

When the lights went out and the air was no longer transparent, who was there? To hold you, protect you.. watch you? Me.
Yet, you still fear what you can’t see. After all I do for you, you’re still afraid.
You’ll stare at that latch expecting something that I’m conceling to behold itself.

You’re scared of me, no, not me. You’re scared of what happens once I’m around. When I disable your eyes. You’re scared of what I could be hiding.

Why don’t you ever swim in that deep water when the sun leaves?
Don’t worry, I’ll be there. And so will your friends, but not really.
Are you afraid of not being able to see what you’re doing? Scared that they won’t see if you make a mistake?
Because they cannot help you if they can’t see what’s going on?

Don’t worry, I will be right by you when you write your final goodbye card.
You will be me.
You will be mine once it’s all over.