Red

You and I decided to climb the mountain that was next to my house, up in the valley. You said that you’ve done it before, not in this life time, but in one of your last lives. So why wouldn’t we do it in this life, now, again? We’ve been wanting to hike this mountain for as long as I can remember, we finally started planning the trip a little over a year ago. But today is the day that we do it, whatever that means. I always dreaded walking anywhere, but I constantly miss the feeling of hiking, I haven’t figured out why yet. Maybe it’s an escape from my reality in some way, it grounds me in a way that I don’t feel grounded. I feel connected but not stuck, I start to feel unstuck, from any problem that I think I have in my life. We start our climb at 5:37 in the morning. It’s cold, I feel like I could get blown away, or frozen to the spot which each step. Maybe I’m leaving a trail of ice. We climb and climb, the sun is still set, but it will rise as we rise. We have no flash lights, just our imaginations and sense of touch leading the way. I hear so many things, so do you. I hear you breathing, faster than I am. Panting, I hear panting from both of us, but not just us. I hear a third and fourth breath somewhere, maybe even more, I look around to see nothing but trees and roots, silenced colors and fallen leaves. But I don’t see where the other breaths are coming from, maybe it’s just the wind. Or my mind playing another trick on me, yet again.

I regret climbing this, but without the feeling of regret. I just feel tired, and my throat feels like it is beginning to gather wind blisters. The wind is screaming in our ears now, it’s screaming at us, blinding us and crying onto our skin. Kissing us with the cold.
It’s still dark but now it’s starting to get lighter than dark. I feel the mountain getting harder and harder to climb, yet it’s getting easier. We are not on any trail, nor did we start on one. I look with my ears and I can hear twigs snapping around us, I hear birds starting to sing, and I hear wings flap that do not belong to any sort of bird. I see chipmonks dive into their holes when they see us, I see everthing scatter at the noises we make. I wish the thing that might be following us would just dissapear from my thoughts. It’s probably just nothing.

It’s 7:14 now, it’s brighter but cold, and water is glistening and I hear things still. I just can’t put a name on those noises. The water is beautiful, it’s blue but clear. It looks like it would heal your soul from getting a single sip from it. It’s a thin fast creek, it’s small but when I walked up to it I couldn’t see the bottom. You told me that it looks like a crack in the earth. God knows how far this creek stretches.

The hike is hard, it’s done soon though. I see what looks like some idea of the top. You watch as I try to jump onto the next rock, I did it but I didn’t do it right, I tried to jump up but my hand grabbed a rock that felt like tiny needles. I couldn’t hold onto it so I fell, not far, but I cut my leg. I see red. Red is my favorite color.

About an hour later you and I reach the top. It’s absoulutely breath taking. We’re about 750 feet in the air. I look around to see the clouds glowing with the sunlight. I see clouds, I see birds, I see trees with leaves that have majestic colors. I gasp at each thing I see.
I wish I could stay here forever, but I know that you don’t want to. I take a deep breath, feeling the fresh, clean air at the top of this mountain, I start to walk towards the edge. I’m petrified of heights, but this, this takes away my fear of everything.
I look down and see such a beautiful world that I didn’t even know existed. Pure magic, pure art. I feel like I’m living in a painting, painted by God. I feel like nothing could even come close to ruining this expierence. I have my feet dangling off the edge of the cliff, the rock is beautiful, it’s whiter than I imagined it would be. I look down at what I used to live on, and I look up at the clear sky. I look in every direction, and then I see you. You look so happy, you’re just taking everything in, taking in your past life experiences.

I hear everything and nothing all at once, I feel my heart beating, I hear my breath calming. I feel content. I hear your breath, and I hear another raspy breath that belongs to neither of us. But I can’t believe that it’s real, it can’t be. Or maybe it is..? I get up from my spot and look around for the noise, I start moving towards the woods, the beautiful woods. Everything feels perfect.
I’m getting closer and closer to the woods, now I’m just a few feet away.

I no longer hear that other breath, nor do I hear yours. Why?
I look around back where I came from and I only see beauty, but not you. Where did you go?
I no longer feel like this is perfect, I look everywhere, I yell for you. No response, I feel my heart sink to my stomach when there is longer any trace of you. So I walk back to the edge and take my seat again.

I feel my eyes starting to swell with tears, I can’t see, not until I blink. I watch as my single tear falls down, far down, I can’t see it hit the bottom. But as I look down I see red. Red? Why is there red with all these beautiful colors? And then I see you. At the bottom, not moving an inch, just laying there. Did you jump? Were you pushed..

I stare at your body and I feel my scream rip out of my throat, I didn’t scream out of fear. I screamed because I feel your soul disconnect from this world. You’re dead, you were perfect.
I scream and now my throat is crying from the pain of everything. I stare at you and see red. Your blood is everywhere, you are red and lifeless. Why did you and I decide to do this… How could you do this..